My noise

I am fooling around on WordPress as well. http://almostaverage.wordpress.com/

Back to college and I can't say I am mighty pleased. The net here sucks just as bad as before, even when there are seemingly no users hovering around. I guess the admin here restricts our speeds even in such times so that we don't get carried away. Hats off to their ingenious methods. I sometimes wonder why the admin here doesn't contest for the elections to parliament. They do have the talent, no doubt.

Blogger's loading time is painful when you browse at the net speed of an average DAIICTian. The guys over at google seem to come up with "lite" versions of everything, but somehow the net speeds here escape their field of vision. Maybe they can never imagine sections of the great, wide internet where data moves slower than peanuts through copper wire. I don't blame them. I people who have fallen asleep watching progress bars for a 1MB file.

The 100MB limit is no issue at all. There would be precious few people who would be able to use up that limit in 24 hours. Take the average download speed to be 1kBps and the resulting mathematics is out for all to see. At least it hasn't affected me personally. There was a time when I would tread beyond browsing and updating my status on Facebook and would actually download an mp3 file or two. Now with those websites blocked under "porn" "Information Technology" and what not, I have not complaints whatsoever.

It is only the blogging that is hard. Flock wasn't of any use. I would type out the entire post offline and try to upload it in one go. But ah! Our net is smarter than that! It detects "blog packets" or whatever is sent across to the other end of the world and blocks it more effectively than Symantec could have dreamt of blocking an intrusion. Blogger takes a while to load, I must say. I had a cup of strong coffee and managed to browse through a dozen pages of Benhur before the interface showed any resemblance to a text editor.

I am trying out wordpress now. Before I really sink into a rythmn with my blogging, I at least want to establish WHERE I want to blog. It is a matter of great dishonor to announce of your blog proudly to your friend, and then having to blush and tell him that you are now posting on a different blog. A blog address is nearly like a business card of the old days, it has to both look and read perfect for anyone to pay any real attention. More importantly, one does not like to pay heed to people who keep coming up to you saying nervously "Heh, heh. I think I gave you my card, but that is kinda outdated now. Here's my new one." It's the same about email addresses. After the initial flurry of rifling through max_cool_dudes and gr8guy2008s and heyitsme11s, the world would really appreciate it if you settle down on one single account and accept that as your personality (cool, gr8, hot, me, whatever).

Nonetheless, I wish to weigh out all my options before I settle down on my blogging schedules. Wordpress did show a bit of promise (The 'publish new post' page loads a lot faster than blogger's dear old dashboard, at least with my net specs it does.). I'll let you guys know too what I make of it.

Cheers.

Spent nearly an hour looking for a brand new template for my blog. Funny how you never seem to find what you are looking for - A good, clean template with not too many flashy colours, readable text and support for widgets. A friend of mine who consistently blogs suggest I make my own template, to suit my own needs. Although it sounds a fine idea at first, I know how painful it is to make a template from scratch. I've have my pain-in-the-ass sessions while I was the webmaster for quarter-a-dozen websites on campus. The experience has taught me a lot. One of the most important lessons was - Don't care to mess around if someone has already done the dirty work for you. [Incidentally, this also happens to be a rather cool property of Object Oriented Programming]

There are times when you wish there was someone around to tell you what to do. I have spent over a week at home and have done more or less zero contructive work. Picked up a couple of novels, of course, from the RC before I headed here [Which reminds me, one of them is long overdue and I will have to pay ten bucks when I get back to college].

One of them was a Wodehouse, so I was assured of its quality. "Love among the chickens" read the cover. A typical Wodehouse - hillarious plot, splendid language - but I missed the inimitable Jeeves in the book. The other book was "Headcrash", supposedly the funniest science fiction book after "The hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy". The book was funny enough, though I felt there should have been other titles written to compete for the "second funniest" tag. The third was "Benhur" and I regret carrying the book along. Yes, it is a classic and all that, but the book bored me to the hilt. It is written not quite for the casual reader, but for those who might chose to waste their lives between leaves of papyrus.

I have been keeping an eye on a few popular blogs (a jealous eye) and hoping to pick up tips. THE TIP however, remains consistentcy,which I feel I can never achieve whilst I am been chased up trees by my schedules.

There is precious little time I have left at college. People around me know me well enough but for one thing - I tell them I am an Ornithologist and they either stare at me wide-eyed or smirk and change the topic. So, I thought I might as well take time off to pen it down if nobody is willing to hear me out.

Ornithology is, for those who haven't looked it up on Wordweb yet, the study of birds. It is the study of their behavior, habits, migration patterns, habitat and everything else related to the feathered bipeds. It sounds boring at first glance, but it is an immensely captivating hobby. I was a practicing bird watcher before I came to college. In fact, the first thing that attracted me to this place was the prospect of being able to come into close proximity of a near-wild habitat. Unfortunately, I never quite found the time to commit myself to remaining a birder through my college life. Most of my bird watching now is limited to watching the Rosy Starlings gather on the bamboo in the middle of the hostel every evening at 6:30 pm and to walking past egrets foraging in the sodden grass.


Not everyone here at DA-IICT realizes the richness of the campus around us. Those who do fail to see beyond the shady trees and behind the flowering bushes. Although purely artificial, the campus in itself provides a plethora of habitats for bird life. In this parched landscape, our campus sticks out like a pearl in a stack of coal and almost seduces winged visitors to set up camp here. The Rosy Starlings in fact have, amazingly, changed their migratory pattern owning to the campus. They are not known to be found in Gujarat in the summer months; they migrate north. But for some reason, the flock that greets us with their chirping every evening and every morning at 6:30, seems to have given up the desire to move further north. Even more amazing is the presence of egrets throughout the year on campus. They too, are migratory birds and tend to venture north for the summer months, but they seem content in lazily wandering through the grasses on campus.


Perhaps the most secretive and rare birds to have been spotted on campus by me were the Pied Crested Cuckoo, the Golden Backed Woodpecker and the Golden Oriole. Of these, the Pied Crested Cuckoo belongs to the list of endangered birds and the other two are not far away; their numbers dwindling every year. If I were to have a favorite among the birds I have seen on campus, it would have to be the Fan-Tailed Flycatcher. It is a delightful little bird that hops across the paths that wind around our campuses. It should not be hard to spot one of them clinging on to a tree in front of the RC, pecking away at spiders that reside there. If you are lucky enough, you might find a Little Cormorant perched on the edge of the lotus pond, drying its wings after a dive into the water. If you luckier, you might actually get to see it dive.


There are about 30 species of birds that reside on campus and about 20 others that routinely visit in the course of their migration. If you are observant enough, you might get to see each of the species. I don't intend to make ornithology a hobby for any of my readers; it is perhaps a little too late for that to happen. But I wish people would take a better look at the next bird that hops out from the bushes or take a step back to spot a bird perched on a tree. More importantly, I hope people don't just breeze through life; I hope they have time to stand back and admire nature.

Disclaimer:
All characters in the following story are entirely fictional. Any resemblance to real-life persons is entirely coincidental.

---

Chiraag Chignis came to be known as 'ChiChi' [Pronounced Chhichhee] courtesy his initials. He hailed from a small town north of Bhuj. We weren't really sure of the name of the place, but he could convince a stranger that it was a sprawling metropolis only slightly smaller than New York. Thank God we knew him better.

He was a champion singer and knew how to use his voice to good effect. His voice alongwith his sugar coated words were too formidable to resist for anyone who hadn't spent more than 4 weeks in the same hostel as him. Juggy and Jojo thought highly of him. Chichi was a bit of a role model for Jojo. He was the only person in our hostel wing to have a stable in-college girlfriend. Teja simply couldn't stand Chichi. He happened to share a wall with him, and couldn't bear his voice when he sang.
"Harry, you are lucky you don't sing that way. Otherwise I might have pounded you everytime you tried to." he once told me.
Chichi was also the singular person towards whom Worm had strong feelings. He detested Chichi from head to toe. He was his arch rival in CS and couldn't stand him in his team.
"See, even Worm hates him." Teja said, perhaps wanting me to take the same stand as him on the issue.
"I don't know. I've really got nothing against him. Besides, I don't like politicizing my college life."
Jojo had his own opinions as always. "Teja, dude. Chichi is extremely cool. You should really try to get along with him. Do you know he once swam across the Gulf of Khambat? That is so amazing man. How can you ignore a guy who has done that?"
Teja raised an eyebrow and gazed at Jojo.
"Jojo, where is the Gulf of Khambat?"
"Huh? Haven't you seen it on a map? It's near Egypt. Man, I wish I could swim so well. Doesn't the guy's charisma get to you?" Jojo looked around at me grinning.

Chichi was rather famous on campus, both as a CS player and otherwise. More or less, he was loved by everybody especially his roommate. Everybody also about his love for shopping and nail gloss, his tendency to wear trousers brighter than his shirt and his inability to get ready for a trip in under 2 hours. What few people knew was that Chichi was also a running politician in his town.

"You should have seen them, Harry!" Jojo grabbed me and shook me a day after he visited Chichi's town. "They were garlanding him at the station and chanting his name. I tell you, he is going to be the next big thing. Did you know he was running for mayor there?"
I told him I didn't.
"Harry , you should be keeping yourself abreast of these things. What would you do without me?"
I told him I would indeed have a hard time without him.
"Presicely. I mean look at Chichi. There was this podium arranged for him where he gave a speech and then sang Gollywood songs."
"What's Gollywood? And what was the speech for?"
Jojo shook his head at my naivity. "Harry, Harry, Harry. Gollywood is Gujarat's Hollywood. And the speech was the public, you dumbass. Did you forget that he is running for mayor?"

Three weeks later, I heard from the same source. "Harry, dude! Chichi is the mayor of his town!"

Disclaimer:
All characters in the following story are entirely fictional. Any resemblance to real-life persons is entirely coincidental.

PS: Thank God I'm blogging again.

---

Zeus was imploring me to take notice of him. But the game of dota lay forgotten. In spite of my reactions, the gravity and the depth of the situation failed to get to Jojo. Some people may attribute that to calm-headedness or a certain degree of laidbackness, but in opinion it was plain braindeadness.

"What's wrong with that? I had to go shopping. Wouldn't she understand?", Jojo looked around at Teja for support. Teja was now lying on my bed, with his eyes shut, probably making circles with his eyeballs again.
"Jojo, dude", he said, "even married women don't understand."
"Aww, come on. Surely they don't think so much about a shopping trip?"

I decided it was time to drill some sense into his head. It is often hard if when one is trying to advice another about matters, especially those related to the fairer sex, he hits bedrock in trying to convince the other to see light. It was usually this way with Jojo. For years he had been under the impression that cars had a back-wheel drive. I don't blame him. He simply hadn't had a stable childhood, intellectually. Till he was 15, he was under the impression that it was indeed storks that delivered babies to married couples and till 13, he would go dizzy wondering if the lower half of the country would drift into the ocean on being cut through the middle. At times, it was simply hard to convince him about what a normal person would consider trivial matters.

Before I started off on my endeavor, I followed Jojo's eyes to find Worm squatted on the floor at the foot of Juggy's bed. As always, Jojo had found the best way to vent out his frustration.

"What on earth are you doing here, you little squirm!" cried Jojo, causing even Teja to open his eyes and take notice of the goings-on. "I thought I told to frikking get out of my sight."

It was at such times that we felt sorry for Worm. Although he was a positive pain in the ass at times, it wasn't really his fault. Nature meant him to be that way. I made a half-hearted attempt to stop Jojo from letting out all of his anger on Worm, but Jojo already had put too much of heart into his actions; my half-a-heart was no match for it. In fact, it was only Teja who stopped Jojo from physically picking up worm to throw him out of the room. Worm was uttering non-audible 'sorry's. Jojo wasn't done even after letting go of Worm's collar. He eyed him savagely as Worm brushed his checkered shirt straight.

"Worm, you are a bitch. I am left with no option but to let you know of this fact." Jojo was still fuming.
"Alright, let's just calm down." I said getting between Worm and his man-handler. "Let's just be civilized. Jojo, just sit back down. Let Worm be. It's not as if he is hurting anyone."
Teja was eyes us with some curiosity. "You remind me of James Potter, Sirius and Wormtail." he said when I looked around at him with inquiring eyes.
Jojo suddenly took heart from his comment. "Yes, and it was Wormtail who betrayed them later." he said, eying Worm ruthlessly.

"Cha. Just let it be. Worm isn't going to go around betraying his colleagues." I found myself defending Worm for no particular reason.
"Oh really?" Jojo glared at me. "How do you know he isn't bitching about us right now?"
"How can he? He is right here."
"Oh really?"

Worm had disappeared without a trace.

Disclaimer:
All characters in the following story are entirely fictional. Any resemblance to real-life persons is entirely coincidental.

---

Ramachandra was never meant to be a giant; God never intended him to be one. He was small, skulked in dark corners, jumped at loud noises and nibbled at his nails. Teja, for some reason, saw a similarity between him and the character 'Wormtail' from the Harry potter series. Two weeks later, Ramachandra ceased to exist, and Worm was born. There were precious few who remembered his real name.

But, there was one area he had mastered - Counter Strike. You see, computer games can turn the smallest creatures into unconquerable beasts. They don't really rely on physical prowess. As long as you can reach your keyboard and your mouse, and manage to peek over the table to stare at the screen, you should be fine. Perhaps that is why PC games appeal so much to mortals like us. But, Worm was beyond all mortals. He was the truest personification of the non-replication of a gaming identity of one's real characteristics. While in real life you could pick him up with one hand and dispose of him in the nearest dustbin, in CS, he could make opponents pee in their pants when one on one up against him.

None of us knew why he hung around us. The others had never cared to try and play a computer game and I was much too pre-occupied with Dota to venture into new areas such as the above-mentioned game. Jojo always thought Worm was a spy.

"Maybe he is spying on us and reporting every detail to his superiors."
"And do what?"
"How do I know? Who knows what use he might put it to. All this privacy stuff is like real big shit today. I've heard these celebrities invest millions to ensure their privacy. "
Teja and I looked at each other wondering if we should point out the fact that the celebrities have reasons to try and ensure their privacy while we don't. But Jojo was blabbering at such an uncompromising pace that we thought it would be best if we just waited for him to run out of steam.
Finally he did.
"Don't you think so too?" he asked, suddenly turning to us.
"What?"
"That he is a spy?"
"Yes, yes. It's all very well."

One never noticed Worm walking into our presence. He slid into the horizon and shimmered out, as and when required. Once he had established his physical presence, he would sit quietly drinking in every word of our conversations. Jojo always got pissed off by this habit of his.
"I tell you, he is conspiring against us. I won't be surprised if one day I walk into the hostel and find you all dead."

However, Worm was not always as described. When the exams were around the corner, he turned into a frantic beast thirsting for blood. He haunted the corridors and turned up wherever least expected. Exam-time was the only time in the year he seemed to have other friends. Scum like us were ignored, and Worm found solace in the toppers of the batch. It would suddenly appear as if he had devoted his entire life to them. Tongue hanging out, he would cling to them for dear life and lick up any bits of knowledge they threw at him. 'Everybody's bitch' Jojo once called him. not that he cared, of course.



Teja was lying on my bed watching me play Dota and Worm was hovering around, largely ignored by us when Jojo strode in with what looked like a week's shopping. He collapsed with a loud groan on Juggy's bed, leaving two huge shopping bags at the foot of the bed. I tore my eyes away from the screen to stare at his eagle-spread figure on the bed. Teja waited for Jojo to explain himself, but when no words came from the other end, chose to ask his question.

"Shopping for your to-be-born kids?"
Jojo had his arm across his eyes and hadn't bothered to take his shoes off. If Juggy was there, he would have fired him.

"Huh?", asked Jojo from somewhere under the mess of hair and arms.
"What's all that?"
"Oh, nothing great. I had gone down to the city to pick up a few things."

Worm was already knee deep in the contents of the bags. He had insatiable curiosity. Very soon, the floor was strewn with clothes, stationary and a pair of table-tennis racquets.

"Dude!" shouted Jojo at Worm, who hastily grabbed a handful of stuff and attempted to cram it back into the bag. "What the hell do you think you are doing?! Fcking get your filthy hands off them."

Worm gave a meek glance up at Jojo and scampered off from the room.

"That bastard." Jojo swore under his breath once Worm was gone.
"Chill, man" said Teja, casually observing my game again.
"Don't worry. I just needed to scream at Worm once. He has been getting on my nerves these days."
"Peace, man. Let him exist."
"Ya, ya. Why can't he let me exist in peace. He pops his ruddy ass in places where not required."

I diverted my attention to Jojo after trying in vain to prevent my hero from dying.

"Nice. You headed down there with the Husseins? That was a smart way of impressing a chick. I doubt if you would have thought of it yourself."
"Who said anything about the Husseins? I went down there with Chichi. In fact, half of this stuff belongs to him. He toaded off to meet his darling and shoved the bags onto me."
"Whoah, whoah. You weren't with the Husseins?"
"Nopes, why?"
"I thought I asked you to spend time with them."
"Well I did."
"When? You have been out shopping all day."
"I did have breakfast with one of them yesterday."
"And?"
"Well, we talked."
"Over breakfast?"
"Ya, for about half an hour."
"Tell me you caught up with her later in the day."
"Nopes. Was I supposed to?"

Teja gave a sudden smirk.
"Jojo, you ass. Half an hour is like half a second in a girl's world." I said.

Jojo looked around at Teja hoping for salvation. But Teja gave a slow nod.

"You are a bigger ass than I thought", I added. "How hard is it to stick around a hot girl all day?"

Disclaimer:
All characters in the following story are entirely fictional. Any resemblance to real-life persons is entirely coincidental.

---

For Jojo and his to-be-soulmate, Juggy had no sympathies whatsoever. He relentlessly complained about Jojo being the reason why girls scream, 'I hate men!'. Apparently, he knew girls way better than Jojo. I wouldn't blame him. After having read "What women want and everything else under the sun" I was inclined to the feeling that a person who had no idea who he had kissed without the effects of alcohol deserved to be plaqued, with every right, with the title Juggy had suggested.

Jojo wasn't a man renowned for his patience and with every passing minute of Juggy ceaseless banter about men like Jojo being the root cause of all evil, I couldn't help but get the feeling there would be a need to call in the emergency services pretty soon. If Juggy's words were indeed getting to Jojo, the latter would strangle himself, otherwise the latter would probably beat the former to ham. Fortunately, Teja interrupted before long.

"Dude, Juggy. If you can't make yourself of any help, get your filthy ass out of here."
"But just look at this guy. He kissed the girl with no sort of ratification of her identity."
"Look, we know Jojo has a compressed rat's brain. But, we should be helping him out in his spot of bother."
"I don't know why you are encouraging him. If you get behind him, the next thing you know, he'll be kissing every girl behind the parking lot in the dark."
"If such a thing were to happen, ill slip a live wire into his bed and wait for him to electrocute himself."
"I am not sure you could do that."
"Cometh the hour, cometh the man."

Juggy frowned at Teja for a while then gave in.

"Fine. If you think you can handle him. What do you propose, Sherlock Holmes?"
"That is beyond me. That is why you should always have a dumbass in your group who goes around reading books on women's mindsets." He waved a hand vaguely in my direction.
"Lawl. I think the matter is pretty straight-forward. Jojo has to walk up to one of the twins, and ask her if she was the one he kissed. There is nothing better than honesty. He should probably explain the whole matter."

We looked around at Jojo to find him throwing bits of paper at Worm, who made lazy attempts to dodge them.

"Juggy," I said," if we ever need a recipie for disaster, we will surely get back to you. But right now, the problem statement is such - Jojo has to figure out the kissed girl, and stay alive after he does so. The girl will frikking murder Jojo and bury his honesty alongside him in his grave."

Jojo now seemed to tired of his previous sport and was making faces at himself in the mirror.

"Jojo, you ass!" Juggy shouted. Jojo leapt two feet off his berth and turned around to face us.
"Oh, sorry." He twirled his mouth about and settled into a more normal expression. "I got carried away a bit." Juggy looked like an old mother ready to whack him with a broom.

"Anyway." I continued. "There is nothing better than patience in this matter. Jojo, my friend, the matter is simple. You have to be around the twins, no matter what."
"Which twin?"
"Both twins"
"Harry, they are two disjointed people."
"I know. Just hang around them all the time."
"You mean hang around with either of them?"
"Exactly. But make sure you don't hang out with one twin for too long. Distribute your time."
"Alright. But what will that lead to?"
"It will buy us time. Then the psychology of the individual can take over."
"The what?"
"The psychology of the individual. It is the study of the human mind and how it would react to different situations. Jeeves employs it all the time."
"Who is Jeeves?"
"Never mind. Focus."
"Aye aye."
"Repeat after me. Spend-time-with-twins. As simple as that."
"Got it."
"Very soon, you will be sailing like a ship on butter."
"Do ships sail on butter?"
"No, Jojo. That was not the crux of the statement. But never mind that. Don't stress your brain too much. You have a job on your hands."

Disclaimer:
All characters in the following story are entirely fictional. Any resemblance to real-life persons is entirely coincidental.

---

Juggy was the soul that I shared my room with. Debates raged in various circles as to who was the more unfortunate of the two for having the other as roommate. Juggy had no doubt in his mind whatsoever. In his opinion, the Indian judiciary system should have considered handing the penalized an option between 5 years of rigorous imprisonment and 5 weeks with me wherever applicable. Once when I was lying half-naked on my bed, he had cared to remark that he couldn't see why our forefathers even thought of giving up their lives so that scum like me could enjoy freedom. I on the other hand, was hell-bent on proving that Juggy was a wandering perverted saint who had mistaken the university for the Himalayan mountains and his colleagues to be his disciples.

The first reaction of Juggy when he heard of Jojo's adventures was rather predictable. He swayed for a moment on the spot as though there was a strong breeze determined to knock him down. He stared from me to Jojo repeatedly to ensure that we weren't fooling with him. Once he had done so, the hand clasped the head in magnificient fashion and we heard him muttering although we barely saw his lips move. We did find out later that he was cursing the reckless, spoilt minds (read Jojo) that, according to him, had sprouted all around him without accord.

To every soul that breathed, he was a positive pain in the ass. When given an opportunity to speak, he would preach and humbly request us to mark his words and follow them. He had, of course, made it to the cellars of fame in our college when he stood up in the middle of the class and downright condemned the use of 'insensitive and offensive language' by the professor of algebra. Only later, after he had made a complete ass of himself, did we come to understand that he mistaken the word 'rate' for 'rape'. Even the whole class, all of about 200 students, laughing at him and a furious professor were insufficient to divert him from his means.

It was a wonder, as Teja said, that he knew english. For a man against capitalism, soccer, cigarettes and anything even remotely western, he got along with english pretty well. He seemed to have no complaints, with english-medium education, with the computer or with english songs. He surprised us all when he got his laptop late in the second semester and got us sick and tired of Nickelback by the end of the day. Jojo ran out of the room when he played 'Rockstar' for the eight time in an hour. I got the feeling I was beginning to remember the lyrics of the damned song and the tune irritatingly kept playing in my head even when the music had stopped blaring from the speakers. Teja silently swore never to let any Nickelback song to ever infest his iPod and somehow knew Jagdish Jhunjhunwala, alias Juggy, would keep us wondering about his sanity for a few years to come.

Inspite of all that he was, we were good friends with Juggy and like all good friends, we always stabbed him in the front. We couldn't help it, he was that sort of a person. He was short and plump and seemed to roll when he walked. If were to see him scurrying along a corridor for the first time, one couldn't help but be frought with the fear that he might simply fall onto his side and lie there like an upturned beetle. His legs were probably more powerful that they looked at first sight. It must take some doing to propel that globular mass forward and onward. His style of walking was comparable only to the Worm and the two of them together were miles away from the rest of the pack.

Juggy's habits were always a wonder to us. Teja swore he could lay down a thousand bucks and claim Juggy had never masterbated. Jojo took the matter on step further by claiming Juggy didn't pee (Which, incidentally, none of us had seen him do). I could tell from his nervousness, he had never talked to a girl for more than 10 seconds or 3 sentences, whichever was earlier. However, the word in town was that he did have a girlfriend; which was what beat us all. It paved way for Teja's remark : "You know, girls have a worse choice than boys when it comes to choosing their soulmates. I mean, just look at the situation. There are so great guys without girls and yet these girls pick out the biggest jackass in the lot to be their boyfriend. Guys on the other hand, have not left out any hot girl. It just goes to show. I bet Juggy's girlfriend is really hot. It's just the way the world turns." Worm merely nodded to whatever each one of us said.

"Did you know Juggy is the sole heir to some few million rupees worth of property?" asked Jojo one day while we stared at the mentioned person scamper off to the cafeteria. There was no rumor that was left unheard by Jojo. It helps to be in the company of girls who are experts at gossip.
"Who said so?" asked Teja.
"I don't know. That is the word. It seems his dad is a big shot back in his town."
"Hmm. When we do plan to do our gigs, we'll make him sponsor us."
Jojo rubbed his hands together.
"And as the manager of your band. I shall ensure that the money is spent well."
"Hear, Hear."

Worm sat staring at Teja's guitar and silently drinking in every word.

Teja merely grinned back at Jojo.
"Teja, you ass. Why don't you make yourself useful and help me out a bit here. I could really use some help right now." There was a hint of desperation in his voice. Teja finally stopped yanking Jojo's tail. He could be a really handy friend when one needed him. He had once helped yours truly get out of a tight spot when I had been taken into police custody for interrogation. But that's a different story altogether. At the moment, the four of us were crowded into Teja's room brainstorming over Jojo's rather avoidable situation.

Teja was the first to speak up, though not very convincingly. "Are you sure you wish to date one of these chicks? I mean, you could use your time so much better." Jojo thought for a second and then replied. "You can rule out the option of me backing off. It's a matter of whether I should sit around and wait or really chance my arm."

I somewhat reassured him. "Don't call it 'chancing your arm'. We'll figure out who the unfortunate maiden is, sooner than later; don't you worry."

Juggy was never a person with gifts of concentration. He was the sort of person who would forget what he was talking about by the time he finished a sentence. We didn't blame him for it. So, it wasn't very surprising that when he finally got a chance to break the silence, he did so by claiming that a prostitute had made herself comfortable next to him on the bus earlier that day. Jojo's case study was cast aside when he spoke thus.

"I swear she was a prostitute!", he protested when we refused to believe him. "She was rubbing her elbow against my groin! She was a whore if there ever was one. She was trying to seduce me, you know. Trying to make me get an erection." I frowned at his words. How come such things always happened to Juggy? Teja raised an eyebrow as a sign of interest. Jojo had turned over on the bed with a curious glance at Juggy.

"What do you mean 'tried to make me get an erection'? You mean to say you didn't get one?"

Juggy shuffled his feet as a response and tried to avoid everyone's eyes by staring out of the open window. Jojo gave a sudden snigger and propped himself up on his elbow.

"Whoa, whoa. What have we here? Looks like there are more interesting matters than me going around kissing twins. Juggy, my friend, you were saying?"

Juggy looked like he could have killed himself for having brought the topic up. Teja withdrew himself from his reclined position."Lawl ! Did you not get an erection? Dude, the girl was nearly scratching your balls, the way you describe it. How can you frikking feeling nothing?"

Juggy looked around at each one of us in turn and finally gave in to the relentless eye-balling.

"Fine, fine. I didn't get an erection. Does that make you happy?"
"Pray elaborate, my good man."
"Well, I simply started chating 'Ram, Ram' in my head. I said to myself 'You are a good man, a pious man. Lust is for the weak. It is nothing but mayajaal. It's all moh-maaya'" Juggy looked like he had swallowed a lemon really quickly.

"Holy crap, man!" said Teja barely able to believe his ears. "You thought of all that shit while she was busy touching you?? Dude, you should have simply taken her offer. Ask Jojo how difficult it is to get a girl these days." Juggy frowned.

"You would have done the same too, if you were in a public place. Don't you blame me." But none of us were listening. We had made ourselves busy by rolling over the floor with laughter.

"Yes, yes. Laugh all you like. But one day you will realize I was right. Lust is not everything." Juggy said as he stormed out of the room.

Disclaimer:
All characters in the following story are entirely fictional. Any resemblance to real-life persons is entirely coincidental.

---

 Over the first week of my introduction to Teja, I had wondered what a person of his caliber was doing in our college. I oft wondered how a person like him was not making news headlines elsewhere in the world. He could have been a rockstar, a youth icon and so much more. The only stupid decision he seemed to have made was that to drive down the engineering road. Maybe none of his well-wishers knew anything much about engineering at all to divert him from the miling crowd of endeavouring engineers.

"I think I know what it is." said Jojo unexpectedly one day when I voiced out the abovementioned thoughts. "TMK doesn't sound cool at all. We know how cool he is because we know him, you know. But those of him who don't know him, will have to know him through his name or his initals, you know. And you know they aren't cool." I took a minute off and retreated to fully absorb what Jojo had told me. Well, yes, Teja Murali Krishna was not the ideal name for a rockstar and neither was TMK the ideal nickname for a youth icon.

Teja hadn't been blessed with the best looks either. He was rather ordinary looking to say the least. But he knew how to dress. He never tried too hard, as with everything he did, but always managed to pull it off. Even the simplest of costumes looked good on him. In many ways, he contrasted Jojo. Jojo had the kind of dreamy looks that girls somehow always fall for. But even they got repelled by his dead-brainness. "Nothing repels girls more wonderfully well than a hint of bad breath, a touch of body odour and an ounceful of Jojo" as Juggy once put it. Teja on the other hand had,in my book, everything that a girl could possibly want. He had a coolness quotient beyond compare and a bring-it-on attitude that should have ordinarily squeezed even the faintest of 'ooo's out of girls. But somehow he never seemed attracted girls. He did once have a girlfriend, he told me. "But she had a problem with my smoking. She told me if I continued smoking, either she'd start smoking too or she would dump me. So I dumped her instead."


We found Teja in his room later that day. "Drop the case, Jojo.", he said, without bothering to look up. His guitar always got more attention than it could have asked for. "Oh only if it was a girl." Jojo had once said, referring to Teja's guitar. "She would run away out his over-posessiveness and over-obsession and I could have had her on the rebound", he added with a wink. I assured him that he would have won plenty of girls if that had indeed been the case.

"Girls are nothing but trouble, trust me." said Teja once he finished fretting over the invisible marks on this guitar. "You are better off without them. Besides, you don't want them to get to know how stupid you really are."

Jojo made a grumbling sound and set himself down on the bed of the-engineer-who-never-was. The-engineer-who-never-was ought to have been Teja's roommate. But he never arrived. Instead there was a pair of unclaimed shoes on the bed on the first day of university that probably belonged to him. To quote Teja, "Maybe he was out to be an engineer but he knew he never was one. So our engineer-who-never-was simply legged it and left his shoes behind in the hope that maybe I would leg it too and would join him in the wilderness. But I have failed him. I have let down his trust. Oh engineer-who-never-was, please forgive me. I have let you down. I've never had the guts." Teja had succumbed into violent sobbing the first time he uttered those words. Juggy had to run over to comfort him and Jojo felt Teja should be thrown into the nearest asylum with a couple of hefty guards who would ensure he didn't set the place on fire.

Jojo made himself comfortable on the bed. "Do you think the-engineer-who-never-was had a girlfriend?"

"Probably yes." was Teja's reply. "Maybe he had legged it for his damsel in distress. That force would have been alone to motivate him."

Jojo was lying back staring at the ceiling. "Do you think he would have kissed a twin?"

"No that can only be done by a person of your supreme intelligence. I have always wondered why God didn't give you a lizard's body. It would have fitted your brain so beautifully."

Jojo muttered something that sounded like "Cut the crap".

Teja smiled at the effect his words had brought about. "But well, on a positive note, maybe it is fitting that you kissed one of the twins." Jojo looked around at him with a ray of hope. "Ya, you never know, you could end up courting the other one instead and consequently getting murdered in cold blood by the former. Anyways, you'd do the world a favor by getting your fat ass off it." Jojo gave him a look that plainly said 'I could ask for nothing better than being able to strangle you'.

Disclaimer:
All characters in the following story are entirely fictional. Any resemblance to real-life persons is entirely coincidental.
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It would have been easy, no doubt, to dismiss the matter as a case of rash youthfulness and carry on on the merry road. But, I knew better than to act that way. Jojo was a person to be handled differently.

"So let me get this straight. You kissed one of the Hussein twins."
"That's right."
"And this was your first kiss."
"You got me."
"And you have no idea which girl you kissed."
"Well actually, I have narrowed it down to two."
"Were you drunk?"
"Nopes."

I seemed to have hit bedrock in my interrogation session. The character of the person before me was beginning to baffle me even more now.

"Didn't it strike you before you kissed the girl that you ought to know who she is?"
"Well, it did strike me. But I was taking for granted that she was Aisha. I didn't bother to examine the matter further. Then when we kissed, I thought she tasted like Aara."
"What do you mean 'tasted like'? Have you tasted her before?"
"No, I got this gut feeling as one may put it."

I eyed the man with a bit of impatience. Gut feeling indeed. If only he had a penny for each gut feeling he ever had. That last time his 'gut feeling' theory had been put into practice was when he blew out the Cathode Ray Oscilloscope in the lab. "Harry, I've got this under control. Don't you worry." he had assured me. "I am getting the gut feeling this is the right way to connect these godforsaken wires." The next thing I knew, the harmless looking instrument was fuming and so was the lab assistant who had appeared out of nowhere to stand behind us. I asked him for an explanation later. He came up with the innocent-sounding reply, "Harry, there are no explanations for gut feelings. You cannot express the feeling in words. It just comes from inside." while he leant back on his chair with his feet on his table. It was, according to him, one of the most important corollaries of the gut-feeling theory - The gut feeling theory has no feasible justifications.

I was just beginning to work out how much richer Jojo would have been if he did indeed have a penny per gut feeling when Teja walked in.

"Hey, I saw Jojo pass by like the breeze." He made himself comfortable against the door-frame and said, "I give you thirty seconds. I've got a class to attend." He performed a hand gesture to indicate he had started his stopwatch. Jojo was in no mood to repeat his tale, so I had to do the honors. By the end of it, Teja was brightened up beyond compare. "Way to go, Jo. You have hit new lows. I'll get back to you for some more shit after class." With that and a wave of the upper arm, he was off.

Jojo was wearily staring at the tube-light as I turned back to him.

"You didn't ask her who she was?"

He didn't bother to take his eyes off the tubelight as he replied."What am I supposed to ask? 'Hi, I know we kissed, but I don't know your name. Do you you mind telling me?'? That would have ended my chance with her faster than Teja can smoke a cigarette."

I turned the prospect over in my mind. "Well ya, that would have been a dumb thing to say."
"Thank you. But I haven't come here for you to accredit what I have already done. What am I to do now? Should I humbly ask one of them, or wait to see which one of them approach me or try to hit on both of them again?"

"Ah, my friend, you have come to the right person and at the right time." I patted the book and held it up again so that he could see it in clearer light again.
"What is that about?" he asked again.
"Ah, nothing great. The title says 'What women want and everything else under the sun". So from what I make of it, it's a book about everything." I repeated once again.

He stared at me for a second as if in utter horror.
"What?" I asked.
"dejavu", he whispered. "I get the feeling you had said the same thing some other time."

His dumbness never ceased to surprise me. But thankfully I usually knew what to expect of him. So I merely shrugged the shoulders and continued.
"Anyways, we cannot employ any of the methods suggested by thy naiive self. The matter calls for subtleties, my friend. You think Sherlock Holmes would have simply followed one of those alternatives. No, he would have assessed the situation on hand and deployed a ploy of his own. This book here is one of the keys to unravel the puzzle."
"Ooo, is that a Sherlock Holmes book? I've always wanted to read one. Pass it to me."
I ignored his statement, his request and his outstretched hand in totality.
"Jojo, we are going to figure out the unfortunate Hussein that you lay your filthy lips upon, don't worry."

Disclaimer:
All characters in the following story are entirely fictional. Any resemblance to real-life persons is entirely coincidental.
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He burst into my room, well almost. For a moment his existence seemed to have escaped him but soon enough, he regained composure. With his head well below his shoulders, his hands outstretched, clutching the door-frame and beads of perspiration dripping down from the tip of his hooked nose, he presented quite a sight for the onlooker. If it weren't for the book upon my lap, I might have stood up and applauded his performance. But instead, I gave a snicker and hoped it would suffice. I gave him a full two minutes to regain composure before putting forth my amicable question, "Howdy, Jojo? Did the sky come crashing down again?".

Jojo was a piece of art. One of God's creations in His rarest moods. It wouldn't take more than an hour with this man to appreciate what I am trying to put across to you. God might have been trying to put together a flawless person. He had everything worked out. But just when he was about to put the brains into this creation of his, something must have happened that really pissed him off. Maybe His wife wanted him to take out the garbage or something along those lines. Something that involves stench, dirt and ya, plenty of garbage. Whatever it was, it made God forget all about the latest project he was working on, and stuff in garbage where the brains ought to have been.

No one had thus far understood why Jojo refused to play any sport other than fish-fish. He would tell anyone who would listen to him that it was a sport akin to water-polo but only without the water. No one knew why of all instruments that his parents offered to buy him, he opted for the cello. My deepest sympathies were with his roommate and everyone else who lived within fifty cello-lengths of him. Apart from these, he sang in his sleep and tripped nearly every time he went to the bathroom. Otherwise, he was a sound egg.

I ran into him on my very first day at the university. He had just tripped rather embarrassingly outside the common washroom, and I was the only bipedal soul around, so I had to help him back to his feet. "Thanks man," he had smiled. The next thing I knew he had invited me to his room to hear him play the cello and I regret having lived those moments of my life. I tell people over and over again that the man ought to be arrested for torturing life around him, but they simply laugh and think I am kidding. A few months later, I had realized he was a sound egg. One only had to graciously decline to be his audience during his cello practice sessions and stay away from him when he got drunk and seemed to consider the world his 'fish-fish' stadium and every other human being his opposition. I know people who have been subject to sledging and spitting by him in such a state. There was even a guy who claimed Jojo had tried to stab him with a toothpick with shouts of "You shalt never triumph, you filthy traitor!!"

I would do well to inform readers that over the past few days, he had been falling in love with one of the Hussein twins. The only trouble was, he never managed to figured out which one. "They are so similar!" he used to cry with anguish whenever he spotted either of them. "That's the whole point," I had told him one day. "They are not twins without reason." He gave me a I-wish-I-had-a-toothpick-to-stab-you-with look. "Thanks a ton, Einstein."

"When are you ever going to figure out which one of them you like?" Teja had asked him exasperatedly. Jojo brushed his hair out of his face and said, "I am going to try my luck with both of them. Either one isn't bad at all, is she?" Teja merely shrugged and got back to polishing his guitar.

So when he had burst into my room, well almost, on that fateful day, my first impression was that it had to do with Jojo and the twins. He didn't let me down. It did turn out to be about his twin trouble. But before he took off on his epic narration, he took time off to frown at the book I had on my lap.

"What's that?"

"Oh, it's a book." I held the thing up so he could see it in clearer light.

"I know the darned thing is a book. What is it about?" He stepped into the room and collapsed on the chair next to my bed. Before I could raise a voice of protest, he had slipped off his sandals and laid his soiled feet upon the clean sheets.

"Ah, nothing great. The title says 'What women want and everything else under the sun". So from what I make of it, it's a book about everything." I glanced up to see Jojo twirling a Natraj pencil with his fingers and staring away at a pile of junk on my table.

"Hmm" he said rather plainly. I didn't blame him. He was not a man of books. Nothing thicker than distilled hydrogen could seep through to his brain.

The book was put away. "Howdy, then?"

He turned back to me with an expression that showed plain surprise at the presence of another human in the room. He didn't have his glasses on. He always thought they made him look geeky.

"Where are your glasses?"

For an answer, he felt his face with his fingers. "Oh! That's what has been wrong! I must have forgotten them back at my room." He paused for a moment. "Dude, you have to help me."

"Ah, shoot. What may I do for my good man today?"

"Harry," he said for that's what he liked to call me. "I kissed a girl."

Every man who speaks such a statement has a typical set of follow-up expressions that he chooses from. The eyes brighten up, the ears prick up and are alert for the oncoming praise or congratulations. The body is tensed and the grin never disappears. Even if the kiss wasn't as good as one had expected, one still smiles. But I was totally unprepared for the expression that Jojo chose to produce after he uttered his chosen words. The shoulders were loose, the face appeared dejected and there wasn't even a hint of a smile on his face. I began to wonder whether I had heard him right.

"You kissed a girl right?"

"Yeah." He was markedly looking away and the lower lip was bitten.

"What's with the sulking then?"

"Err, Harry..." He was unsure about where his feet were and the loose strap on his sandal seemed to attract a lot of his attention. "You remember the Hussein chick, right?"

"Ya of course, what about her."

"I kissed her."

"Sweet! Way to go man! I am all ears. Tell me about it! Oh, oh, which one, by the way?"

The enthusiastic air around me quickly faded away. His eye refused to meet mine and I noticed his hair seemed to be more of his face with every minute that passed.

"Oh shit, dude! Don't tell me!" I cried exasperatedly. "Don't tell me!!"

He looked up with a hopeful expression, like a lost dog. But his lip was still being chewed on. Nodding slightly, he spoke the fateful words.

"You got me, Harry. I have no idea which one I kissed."

We always have something or the other to report without being as desperate as India TV or the like. A lot has been happening around here. Here are the top headlines :

1. Baccha B wing aa gaya
Baccha Bhand has recently shifted to the B wing with his room mate, Diesel. The event met loads of appreciation from the residing B wingers. However, some persons seemed to be unhappy with the change. In retaliation to the move, they stole Diesel's mattress as a sign of dissent. As a result, Diesel has had to sleep on the floor for the past two days. He complained to the local authorities saying, "Humaare Angrez desh mein hum kabhi zameen par nahi sote the."

Bhand, however, was very happy with the proceedings and seemed to be inert to the mattress being stolen from him room. "Bas hum B wing aa gaye hain. Gadda kho jaana toh bahut choti cheez hai." he said, much to the annoyance of his roommate.

2. B 108 is now 19 ptr room
That's right. Dassi has shifted to B wing as well. With his advent, B 108 is now officially the most intelligent room in the hostel. The prev highest was Warden's room at 18.4 ptr. B 108 with 19 pts, has taken over that repute. His shifting process, unfortunately, was without event.

3. Mega thief on loose
Rumors are flying around about a super thief who walked into a hostel room by breaking the lock on its door and stole some Rs. 3000. How far this is true is unknown to the TNNU team, but we will keep updating you as soon as we hear more news.
Btw, the hostel supervisor and warden were on high alert and were seen patrolling the hostel in the morning.

4. Baba - the most important person
In a recent survey held in B wing, Baba was voted the most important personality of the wing. Last year's winner was Sardy, but due to unfortunate circumstances, he had to shift to new areas. On a different note, Baba has also been awarded 'The most promising politician' award because of his tremendous ability to campaign.

5. Last but not the least
Popliss has been rumored to have been dating an RI partner. He was heard defending himself saying, "Arey RI means Relationship Internship na?". Aside from that, he has decided to play it cool and deny all allegations. He roommate , Raj11, has been complaining about Popliss's sudden voracious appetite for romantic music (Especially Enrique), a sudden spurt in his carrom and 29 skills, and a sudden inability to sleep at night.

That is all the news for today. Do visit our website http://fieldleftblank.blogspot.com/ for more news updates.

[Continued]

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It was nearly dawn break when Bhand staggered out of Cancer's bar. A balmy breeze made him pull his coat tighter around him. He had barely managed to reach the road when he saw a figure blocking his way. Jhalla Baba was in his police uniform as usual, with a scowl upon his face. He was thoroughly unimpressed with the bacchanalian body stumbling towards him.

"Stop!", he ordered. "What makes you think you can wander in B wing in that state?". His voice was baleful, if anything.

Bhand flinched at the sight of this pain-in-the-ass in human form. "Leave me alone" he muttered with whatever little consciousness he had left. "I am just going home". He drew himself to a somewhat erect position and made an audacious lunge to get away from the policeman. Unfortunately, his attempt was balked by a stone wall he didn't seem to have noticed. Rather augustly, he crashed into the wall, nose-first and collapsed onto the ground. Baba smirked and walked up to the eagle-spread Bhand on the pavement. He grinned avuncularly at the figure on the ground. "Up to your usual mischief?" he asked him. "I know who you are, and I know how to handle banal folks like yourself" said baba kneeling down next to Bhand, who was by getting really pissed with baba's austere behaviour.

"You are the wannabe B winger, Bhand, aren't you?" said baba again, and allowed himself a smile. "Why do you keep coming to the B wing? It is simply an atrophy of your precious time, I tell you. You would be smart if you took my astute advice when I say, 'go back to your village'. But then of course, it's all up to you. If you choose to hang around in my wing, you'd better be careful. One wrong step, one sign of beset, and I'll be breathing down your neck like an angry pack of bloodhounds and make sure you atone for your crimes." Bhand had heard baba belabor his points before. It was a shame he was beholden to listen to policemen. All their badinage were not good for his temper at all.

Baba was blah-blahing away as usual. Bhand couldn't make sense of what he was saying. He seemed to have transcended into a beatific, bardic state. For all that Bhand cared, it was no more than a verbal barrage to his interests. He held up a hand in front of baba's face and balked his attempts at philosophy. "I beseech you to stop." he said finally, when his voice had been restored. "Such besmirched gibberish is not behoove for this moment, officer. I shall consult you at my leisure some other time when I feel like being beguiled. Unit then, with a hand shake and a beneficent word, I shall take my leave. You have beleaguered me enough for tonight."

Baba looked like an awl had been driven through his testicles. He began to belie Bhand's statement, but the latter had already got up to leave and before baba could protest, Bhand had made a beeline for the alley's sole exit.

[To be continued...]

I had nothing better to do. I have been reading Barron's GRE wordlists and I keep getting astounded by the sheer number of words I have never come across. So I here's an article that contains numerous words from the first 4 word lists of Barron. If you have gone through wordlists 1 to 4, it could be great practice to read the article and recollect the meaning you have mugged up so far. ;) [At some places I might have tried too hard to insert a word from the list, it might be fairly obvious]. I hope some of you might find it useful. I've bolded the words from the list to make it easier for you guys ;)

Do comment if you liked it. I'll think of writing more such articles.


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A long time ago, there was a kingdom far-far away from everywhere. The very existence of this secret land was known to but oh so precious few and the much aggrandized aestheticism of the kingdom was whispered from ear-to-ear as allegories of the time. The aborigines named this mystical land 'B Wing' or Beta-Wing (They were inspired by Sci-Fi would be my guess).

Over this great land ruled the mighty Virus (yes, mighty in every aspect). He was an amulet to the citizens, and in their own amorous fashion, they had adorned him with an appellation that was to serve as an allusion to the ardor they had for him. "Arbiter" they called him and it was an apotheosis in itself. He was seen as the bearer of peace, the messiah as it were. He was ever willing to absolve mistakes if he was convinced it was adventitious.

Into this kingdom that was agog with happiness and joy, came Bhand. He had absconded from the abutting village and he had abstruse adulation for the kingdom that lay beyond the realm of his own. It wasn't as if he hadn't been admonished about the dangers that may lie in entering the kingdom in the dead of the night. Many a friend had grown tired of adjuration. Despite the ambivalence, Bhand decided to chance his arm and steal into the borders of Virus's empire. The tales he had heard were too alluring to resist. For you see, Bhand live in a 'dry' village, if you know what I mean.

Walking quickly, he stopped at a bar near an apothecary's signboard. Cancer was tending the bar, cleaning up some ancillaries at the end of an arduous day. Bhand strode up to the counter and slammed his fist on the table. Cancer turned around, rather surprised at the anachronism of the visitor.
"Dont just f**k around" shouted Bhand amok. "Hand me a beer you cheap bartender!"
Cancer raised an eyebrow at the animadversion but said nothing and slid a bottle across the counter.
Bhand spoke nothing until his thirst was assuaged. Askance, he thumped the bottle back on the table. Assaying Cancer with an apathetic eye, he asked for another round. Cancer was used to such abusive behavior. For a moment he abstained himself, but then spoke as he handed the stranger another beer.

"From what I apprehend, you don't seem to be from this town."

"Well I am, you may have never seen me, yeh filthy scum."

Cancer was perhaps affronted by this acrimonious attitude. Maybe it was time to show this stranger that people could see through his artifice. People of this kingdom were far from asinine.

"What's with the antagonism?" , asked Cancer once Bhand's heavy huffing and puffing had abated. "It is you who is in an abject condition. You would do well to be altruistic."

"I don't need any of your wisdom, thank you. You can do well to hand me another beer with some alacrity. Its the only anodyne I need."

"Are you an anarchist or something?"

"Nay. Far from it. You could call me an apostate" said Bhand between hiccups.

Cancer was apprehensive of Bhand's state as he consumed one beer after another. Maybe at the apogee of the night, this man could be far from ambulatory. The amoral had to be done.

"Just get up and leave. You are getting too drunk and its too late in the night." said Cancer, who seemed to have abdicated his duties and was now sitting on a stool himself. "It's not that I abhor you, but I think I have to abrogate you for today."

With a rather weary nod, Bhand disappeared through the arcade and into the sleepy night.

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PS: Of course, I couldn't cover all the words, there were too many. But I've tried to leave out only those words that are fairly common in our vocabulary.

I have enlisted what I believe to be the top ten mysteries of the years I have been in college.

10. What meebo means when he says 'wahaan', 'woh' and 'us din'.

9. What Saaki does all day.

8. Who reported the booze gang.

7. Who is the 'non-flushing' group using our washrooms.

6. Who is the person who eats chips, biscuits etc in the third Bathroom on A wing side.

5. Who is that eco-friendly personality who turns off the water cooler on the hottest days.

4. Who is the person who repeatedly locks the wing's doors from the outside

3. Where does Randi dissappear every evening and every sunday.

2. What does Chidiya do in the RC.

1. Who made blade an OP.

Will you forgive me for what I have done,
though it were done before?
For what I've become?

Will you forgive the place that's true to me
-that I call home
where I am meant to be?



Would you heal the pain I have indoor?
but it wont suffice,
for I have more.

Would you lend me the power to see
what my tomorrow
has in store for me?

"Bai kahaan hai yaar!" cried Naks from somewhere inside the bedroom. It was well past 1pm and Naks was accustomed to being woken up by the bai early in the morning at 10. Nigs was awake though (Somewhat). He was lounging in the living room on the make-shift beds that lay there. He opened half an eye when he heard Naks's voice, but didn't bother to reply. It was all part of the charm of the hideout. He turned over on the bed to see Naks stumble into the room coughing his brains out.

"Bai kahaan hai yaar?" Naks repeated, rather uselessly.
"Arey why are you asking me? You took her phone number na? Call your darling bai up and ask her where she is for yourself.", Nigs mumbled from between the folds of sheets.

Naks groaned slightly as he settled down on the bed next to Nigs. He coughed loudly again and almost puked. "You know what?", he said, turning to a Nigs who was desperately trying to get some sleep. Nigs uttered a dissapproving grunt that Naks took to be a sign of interest. He went on, "You remember that girl I had been hitting on? You thought she was out of my league na? Too sophisticated for me. Ha ! Guess what? She is really beginning to show interest now. She even gave me her phone number. Look." He shoved his phone in Nigs's face. Nigs uttered a monotonic 'hmm' to satisfy his roommate and turned away again.

"Where is the bai yaar?"

Nothing could have pleased Nigs more than a sucker-punch in Naks face. Instead he replied, possibly for the last time, "Arey you have her number na? Call her, you idiot." Naks was amazed by the enlightening idea. "Arey badhiya baat kahi tumne, Nigs. I'll call her after I brush." He stumbled to his feet and coughed rather horrendously. "Hang on," *cough* "I'll brush-" *cough* "-and call her." Scratching his newly shaved head, he headed off to the bathroom.

Naks's phone rang next to Nigs. Any onlooker would have told you, it was the last nail in the coffin. A sleep-deprived Nigs is very capable of toppling any Most-wanted list on his day. It was the bai. "Main aaj nahi aa rahi," said her voice on the phone. "Main bimaar hoon".
"Theek hai.", said Nigs smartly. "Koi baat nahi". He clicked the phone shut.

"Who was it?", came Naks's question to which Nigs had no hesitation in replying. "It was our good friend Mika. He will come a bit late today."

"Oh, ok" said Naks from the bathroom and began humming a very irritating tune. Back in the living room, it was action time. It was really simple action though. Not fit for the script of a thriller movie. For you see, it was merely a matter of swapping numbers on a cell-phone. The bai and the sophisticated girl had now exchanged phonebook personalities.

Nigs placed the phone back on the bed as Naks entered in the room again. "Lao, give me the phone." he said, but picked it up himself when Nigs failed to respond. Nigs turned around in his bed to satisfy his now-aroused curiosity as Naks dailed the bai's number stored on his cellphone. Nigs grinned as he heard the phone ring at the other end.

"Hello", said Nakul as someone answered the phone.
"Hi, Naks!" came the rather excited and accented reply. Naks raised an eyebrow. He never knew that his bai was an angrez.

"Aap ghar nahi aayin?", he inquired, rather puzzled.
"What?" came the equally, if not more, puzzled reply. "Why would I come to your place?"

Naks stared at the phone for a second and then at Nigs. He covered the mouthpeice and hissed, "Nigs, did you know our bai knows english?" Nigs gave a broad smile and shook his head.
Naks got back to the phone rather confidently. Maybe this bai was pretty hot after all. He always had the hots for her, but had somehow been turned off by the lack of sophistication in her. Now this was an altogether new perspective of the bai.

"Arey aap yahaan pe kaam karti hain na? Flat 216? Aur aaj subah aap nahi aayin?"
"What are you saying, Naks? I don't work for you."

Nigs was shivering with excitement. He was tremendously pleased with the way this was heading.

"Kya baat kar rahin hain aap? Phir kaise kamaati hain?". You could have pushed Nigs over with a leaf. He couldn't believe Naks was dumb enough to ask such a question.

"What?! To hell with you! What work do I do there?"
"Arey aap hi toh yahaan saaf safayi kartee hain! Bhool kaise gayin?"
"OH SHIT! Naks, you a***ole. You think I am some kaam waali bai? Go to hell. [Hangs up]"

Naks stared at the phone again. Nigs was struggling to control his laughter. Naks finally turned to Nigs and said, "Yaar, our bai is hot! And she is playing hard-to-get."

Ramlal is just too common a name. It was the first thing that came to my mind when I read his name-tag. I leant back and allowed his bright orange cloth to blanket me from the neck down. Now that I thought of it, I didn't know any other Ramlal. I wonder I thought it was common. The 14-inch tv rested precariously on the mantlepiece overhead. Maybe customers were not supposed to watch tv. It was only for the men at work I figured.

I looked around while Ramlal went into the back corner of the shop to fumble inside a drawer. I, however, was confined to that barber chair. My view from that humble perch was to be my world for the next few minutes. In vain, I tried to get a better view of the tv. The audible commentary was drawing my curiosity to that little box. It doesn't matter if you are the most extraordinary person on earth. When you are in India, cricket seeps into your viens. It is simply impossible to stay away from it. A few seconds of struggle later, I withdrew to my fate. My watching tv was not meant to be.



Ramlal walked back slowly, staring at the tv. His open mouth revealed a rather unhealthy paan-chewing habit. He put the final nail in the coffin by pushing my head downwards. So much for my attempts to watch tv. I drifted into the open-eyed slumber that I so often use, whether in class or when studying. It was only when Ramlal shouted "Arey yaar!" that I woke up. The rather excited commentator informed me of a run-out. Ramlal was cursing under his breath. "Inko khelna hi nahi aata hai", he muttered through clenched teeth. I silently prayed for his anger to be not reflected in my hair-cut. I decided to calm him, even if it was just a bit.

"Rajasthan ke fan ho kya?", I inquired politely, referring to the Rajasthan royals team that was batting. "Haan yaar" came the reply as I felt his scissors furiously snipping through my hair. "Yeh log yahaan se bhi haar jayenge". The instrument in his hand was gathering speed. My internal alarm went off. Something had to be done soon, or the end would not be pretty. "Arey tension kyon le rahe ho? Abhi toh bahut batting baaki hai. Yusuf bhi baaki hai na."

That seemed to have done the trick. The metal blades came together with relative ease now. "Haan, woh bhi hai", he said grinning at me through the mirror. "Dekhte hain". He followed his words, staring up at the tv while his tool lazily cut through my hair.

"Ok." I thought to myself. "Let's weigh the options. Furious barber vs Blind barber." In the end I decided to let the blind barber do his work. After all he was a professional. I glanced at him in the mirror. He stared open-mouthed at the tv, at Yusuf who had just come in to bat. He seemed to be least bothered about the goddam customer occupying the chair in front of him. I figured I am really bad at all this. I should be the last person to try and talk sense into people.

God must have intended Baroda to be His hot oven but instead thought it would be rather fun if he made people live there instead. If that is his opinion of humor, I strongly condemn it. In the crackling, pain-in-the-ass high 40's this is possibly the driest heat in the whole of Gujarat. At least Ahmedabad has its Sabarmati and Surat has its Narmada. Baroda has a naam-ke-waaste Sursagar lake that is more famous for the pav-bhaji on its shores than for its water. In this sweltering heat, I headed to my nearest ICICI bank to undertake the rather shitty procedure of paying my college fees.

For those whose are not from our magnificent institute (heavy sarcasm), the procedure requires us to deposit a DD of the amount and a special form along with it. It some weird collaboration they have established with ICICI bank. But it seems they forgot to inform the employees of the bank about this great treaty. A lot of you by now would have already begun to snigger at my plight with the mercury hitting 48 and with this seemingly alien 'form' at the local ICICI bank.

Ever had a bad day? It is the day when you are tired as hell and just want your task to be gotten over with and you are faced by possibly the dumbest clerk on the face of the planet. Yes, there he was. Holding my form in one hand and the other hand scratching lazily at a region in the proximity of his groin.



"What is this?", he asked me. I awoke from the half-slumber I had drifted into while he had been assessing the form. "It's a form to submit my college fees.", I said, although I was pretty confident it was going to be of no help.

"Toh mujhe kyon de rahe ho?". I swear to God, he was lucky that there was nothing blunt and heavy within my arm's reach that I could clobber him with. I counted to ten under my breath. It had never been so painstakingly difficult. "I am supposed to submit it here. See the ICICI bank ka sign on top? This is ICICI bank right?"

For a few seconds he stared at the sign. I half expected him to hold to the light to verify its validity or whatever. "Sahi baat hai.", he said, most unnecessarily. "Bada special college hai kya tumhaara?" He laughed at his own joke and glanced at me as if beckoning me to join him. I gave him a sort of a sneer in reply. He was too caught up in the humor of his joke to notice. After what seemed like a year in DoTA time, he got up and leant over to the cubicle to his left. "Aanu suu karvaanu?", he asked the clerk next to him. "Thappa lagayi de ane student copy paachi aap", came the deft reply. May the stars bless that clerk.

Giving me a rather sheepish smile, he stamped the form with surprising dexterity for a person so slow in the head and handed the student copy back to me.

Slit from the throat to the top 'f your
chest and your fcking, flaying arms
See darkness quiver before your eyes
Watch death consume you before you fall

Feel me crush your broken bones,
Smell my ruthless breath upon your neck
You're my fcking trophy (I'll hang you up)
You are my fcking corpse !
Now diee !


So tell me, who is your Fcking God now, Mortal
Who's your fucking God?
Where's the God who kept you alive, Scum...
Where's that fucking God now?

Shut up and die !!
Don't look around, don't whimper
Just die !!


Never saw it coming, did you?
Never saw it pass you by
Never saw me kneel now, did you?
Never thought you'd die ... At my hands !